Hi lovelies,
Deciding to start a family is a major step in your life and not one you’ll want to take lightly. Choosing to have children is a life-long commitment, so it’s vital to ensure you’re in the right place – physically, emotionally, and practically.
While family members, friends, and society as a whole may be encouraging you to have children, deciding to start a family is something that only you and your partner have a say in. With this in mind, take a look at the eight questions to ask yourself when you’re thinking of starting a family:
1. Is Your Relationship Strong?
If you’re choosing to have children with your partner, you’ll want to ensure your relationship is ready for the extra pressure it will be under. Sometimes, people assume that having a baby will repair a relationship, but this is rarely the case. Caring for a newborn is tough and puts anyone under strain, which means relationship problems are likely to be amplified when you become parents.
However, if you connect well with one another, understand each other’s needs, can imagine a long-term future with them, and firmly believe your partner will be a good parent, there’s a good chance your relationship will be strong enough to weather the storm.
2. How Will You Have Children?
Many couples choose to conceive naturally, but this isn’t the only way to have a baby. Artificial insemination, in vitro fertilization, and adoption are just some of the other options out there. If either you or your partner has health issues that will make it difficult to conceive naturally, for example, you may choose to have fertility treatment. Alternatively, if you want to love and raise a child who is in need of a loving home environment, adoption might be your preferred choice.
3. Why Now?
If you’re suddenly feeling the urge to have children, it’s important to understand your motivations. Do you want a baby because you feel practically and emotionally ready or are other factors affecting your decision? Some women feel rushed into having children because they’re getting older, for example, but the egg freezing process can help to give you more time to start a family. By identifying and understanding why you want to start a family, you can begin to determine whether you feel ready to become a parent.
4. What Will Happen to Your Career?
If you’re currently working, you may wish to take an extended break when you have a child. Maternity and paternity benefits can vary from company to company, state to state, and country to country so it’s important to identify exactly what you’re entitled to. Furthermore, you’ll want to consider whether you’re willing to forego the potential promotion opportunities which may come your way in the next 12-18 months.
Taking a break at the right time can make it easier to return to work when the time comes if you choose to. This can have a major impact on your family’s future, so choosing the right time to take a career break is a critical point to take into consideration.
5. Are You Financially Ready?
Having children is expensive, no matter how old they get. If your income isn’t secure, you may be worried about how you’ll fund essential costs when a baby comes along. Similarly, if you don’t currently have any savings in the bank, you might be worried about how you’ll finance larger purchases, like nursery furniture, medical treatment, or childcare fees.
Do a financial audit to establish exactly where you are and then calculate how much you’re likely to spend in the first two or three years of a child’s life. By doing so, you can establish whether you’re financially ready to have a baby and, if not, what you need to do to get there. Similarly, look to your financial future to determine how you can increase your income or savings to ensure you’ll have the funds you need to raise your family.
6. Do You Want to Raise a Child in Your Current Location?
If you’re happy in your current location and it’s a good place to raise a child, you may be content to stay there for the foreseeable future. However, if you don’t have easy access to good schools or there aren’t many job opportunities, you may need to think again.
Moving to a new area when you’re heavily pregnant or when you have a baby can be difficult, both practically and financially, so you may want to make this transition in advance. If you know you want to have children in the near future, for example, you may decide to move to a new location before getting pregnant.
7. Are You Emotionally Ready?
Knowing whether you’re emotionally ready to have a baby can require a lot of self-analysis and soul searching. You may want to resolve any on-going issues in your life before you take on the challenge of parenthood, for example. During this process, be kind to yourself and take all the time you need. For some people, talking to someone, like a close friend, therapist, or counselor, can help you to process your thoughts and deal with them in a healthy and constructive way.
8. What Does the Future Look Like?
You can’t predict the future but imagining your life in two, five- or 10-years’ time can help you to get an idea of what you want your future to look like. If parenthood is a firm fixture in your future, then it might be a sign that you’re ready to have a baby now. Alternatively, you may realize that you want to experience other adventures or achieve other things before you commit to being a parent.
Deciding to Start a Family
No one can be fully prepared for what parenthood holds until the time comes but you can get an idea of whether you’re ready to be a parent but assessing the different ways a child will impact your day-to-day life. With introspection, practical considerations, and honesty, you and your partner can decide whether you’re truly ready to start a family.
